2015.... ups and downs

Lets review my 2015 journey...


End of 2014, Dec...
Lepas resign as research assistant under Mr Avtar kat HTAR Klang start la pencarian kerja baru... Finally Dec dpt kerja kat Kawaguchi Mfcg, kilang plastik.. Interview yg ntah pape.. 1st time ever interviewer x tanya apa2. Just suh kite tanya die apa benda nak tahu... Pelik dah kat ctu... Msuk keje pun dah nk end of dec...


Jan 2015
Memang menyakitkan hati kerja kt kilang plastik ni. Mana x nya rehat 45 min. Time tu la nak mkn, nak solat. Tempat solat x proper. Tempat solat kt meeting room siap warn x leh bukak lampu n econ... Dah la room tu full of furniture.. Tokei kilang ni taiwanese. Mmg inconsiderate. Alasannya not fair to other worker.. Last aku kena sound just becoz bell rang tpi aku bru kuar dri meeting room. He said I'm supposed to be at my desk by then. Bullshit!!! Masa interview x pulak bgitau solat mesti at recess time. Mmg menipu company ni. You u know what, dlm offer letter state work start at 8 finish at 5pm. Tpi xtually they asked us to be at work before 7.40am and finish at 6.30pm. Perghhh.. Nmpk x tipunya. Those yg blik at 6.30pm mmg lucky coz my dept plg awal bole balik at 8.00pm.. Hari ke4 aku keje blik at 10.30pm... Laki aku mengamuk kat rumah... No wonder starting gaji dah gempak RM2500. Rupa2nya die cover sume ot kat ctu. Byk lgi la benda merapu company ni... Malas nk state je. The next day kena sound pasal solat tu aku mc sbb gi hosp ada appointment utk fertility treatment. Aku mmg x bgi tau dorg pasal appointment ni. Masa kat hosp dpt call dri superior tnye y x dtg. Then I said I got MC. Mmg pun dpt MC at that time. Dah pukul 1 lebih dah. Alang2 MC better duk rumah je. Tpi call tu suh aku dtg kilang tunjuk muka kt superior tu. Dia nak tgk aku betul2 sakit ke x. What??? 1st time aku keje ada rule cam tu.. Ingat dkt ke nk pegi sana. If dkt pun I wont go. The next day aku kena sound lgi... Haha. Aku buat bodo je. Then I hand out resign letter.. Yg 1st x diterima coz the date n reason yg they cannot accept. Hari MC they dont want to pay.. So at that time gak tulis bru smpi they satisfied. Berapi dah aku time tu...
Pastu gi interview tmpt lain and accepted tpi declined sbb gaji kecik sgt n sabtu keje.. Plan nk gi kenduri hari sabtu bulan feb... Haha


Feb 2015
Period dtg cm sikit2. Spotting color brown. Lama gak. Pastu mlm sakit dada sbb angin. One day bgun je pagi amik upt and walla... Double line... Mmg x di duga.. Spotting continue smpi sudah.. Then gi klinik bgitau pasal prgnant n spotting. Buat upt lvi kt klinik to confirm. Doc bgi refer letter ke HTAR. Mula2 gi klinik sbb tkut peristiwa lama berulang lgi. Tkut ektopik lgi. X mau la satu lgi fallopian tube kena buang. Dah la ada sebelah je.. Kat HTAR pegi PAC. Scan and luckily ada nmpk sac. So confirmed bkn ektopik... Lega!!! Tpi xnmpk janin pun lgi at dat time. Kena dtg another 3weeks to scan again. Pasal spotting tu dic x kata apa pun. Doc bole kata mgkin bru lgi atau prgnancy x jadi. Siotttt


March 2015
Masa ditunggu... Berdebar2... Spotting masih ada. Even masa gi kenduri msuk jln kg terhentak2 sana sini. Mak ai takut gile. Dgn spotting worsen. Nama dipanggil utk scan.... Then doc bgitau nak dgr berita baik x? Ha???? Dah ada fetus n heartbeats. Alhamdulillah... Bole proceed buat buku merah. Test air gula mgtt (maternal glucose tolerant test), yes... Anda positif ada gdm... So bermula la episod gi klinik 2 mggu sekali utk buat bsp... Scan once a month kt kk. Kat private pun buat jgak. So jadi 2 kali sebulan scan...


April 2015
Spotting makin teruk. Sekali lepas makan rasa cam basah je seluar dalam... Gi bilik air cek... Hurmmm darah kot.. 3 hari jugak la darah. Husband buat xtau je sbb die mmg blurrr bab ni. Tanya ok ke x ok ke x.. Xde inisiatif lgsg nk bwk gi hosp.. Pastu wifenya pun dah down. Anything can happen. Rasa cam pregnancy ni nk berakhir dah. Mgkin akan gugur... Lepas 3 hari dia jadi spotting blik. Mgkin sbb bedrest je time tu. Spotting smpi smggu then bleeding lgi. Kali ni 2 hari.. Pegi HTAR.. Cam biasa scan nmpk bby n heartbeats. Xde ubat pape pun... Tu yg malas nk gi hosp. Threatened abortion katanya... Xde ubat... Remember that I went to fertility treatment bulan Jan. At dat time doc suh reduce weight. So dpt next appt 29.04... Since spotting doc kat kk suh pegi je fertility clinic tu. Pegi2 dpt lah duphaston utk 2 months. 3 kotak baq ang.... Puas hati dpt ubat... Spotting trus terusan menghantui pregnancy ku...


Mei - Jun 2015
Akhirnya spotting stop masa 6 months of prgnancy... Rutin biasa cek up kt kk.. Bsp... Kawal diet... Berat x naik sgt. Hb turun ckit jdi 10+ dri 12.


Julai 2015
Bulan puasa kan.... 11 hari kau x puasa... Masuk wad 3 hari sbb bleeding. Mgkin batuk kuat sgt kot. Cam biasa gi PAC HTAR... Ckp bleeding... Nurse suh tukar baju ngan kain... Hai dlm ckp msuk wad ke... Before ni bleeding elok je suh blik. Mgkin sbb dah 7 bulan lebih time tu.. Dlm wad kena pantau bleeding lgi ke x tu je... Tpi xde bleed dah. Sekali tu je. Kejadian tu la yg mencetuskan fenomena x puasa 11,hari... Start msuk wad x digalakkan puasa... 3 hari gak dlm wad.. Kuar wad husband x bgi puasa. Hurmmm..


Ogos 2015
Cam biasa je.. Scan 2x sebulan.. Everything is ok.. Amniotic fluid ok.. Everything ok cuma baby je kecik ckit tpi still dlm range... But one fine day, I was attacked by asthma. Hahaha.. Gi private klinik cam biasa sedut gas (nebuliser)..
Masa kat kk bgitau la doc pasal attack tu. N dia cek kata still ada bunyi kt paru2. Since ada asma kena refer plak ke doc pakar kesihatan keluarga... Dpt refer bulan 9


Sept 2015
Gi klinik utk cek tahap asma tu. Masa tu dah ok. At the same date sepatutnya kena scan. Ao doc pakar tu pun scan la sekali... Scan punya scan.. Die detect masalah lain pulak. Air ketuban byk (21).. Perghh. Doc cite bla bla bla cause n effects nya n suh refer ke hosp plak. Aduhhh.. Sudah jatuh ditimpa tangga... Dua mggu pas tu pegi la klinik rawatan harian HTAR. Doc scan n mmg confirm air byk. At dat time dah 36 weeks. Since yg scan tu HO so nak kena discuss ngan pakar. Kat rumah lgi dah bgitau husband rasa cam kena admit je pas klinik. N mmg betul pun. Dpt letter utk admit ptg tu jugak... Yeay! Msuk wad lgi... Start 22... 24 raya haji.. Elok je kat rumah gdm diet control kat wad trus kena inject insulin 3 hari msuk wad. Kebetulan patient duk bed sebelah pun lebih kurg sama je unstable lie.. Baby gerak2 xnak duk satu tempat. Kepala atas kejap bawah kejap melintang... Pakar bgi dua option either try pusingkan baby n try normal atau czer. Pusingkan baby mgkin ada complications n since air byk baby mgkin ada tendency utk back to kedudukan asal. So I chose to czer. Malas pk byk dah. Masa tu hari sabtu.. Then dpt tarikh utk czer 29.9... Berdebar gila... Tggal 2 hari je lgi nk czer.. Lastly czerrrrr n lahirlah baby Nur Najla Aqilah after 3 years plus of marriage.. Bulan Jan ni dah msuk 4thn kami... Penantian yg penuh dgn onak duri...


Gila panjang lebarrr... Tu x msuk cite najla jaundis.. Msuk wad blik 3 hari.

Setelah sekian lama

HUH....

Last post was in 2011 kot.. It has been 3 years since the last post. Ni baru nak start over. From single to married. From a student smpi dah graduate.. 3 years pass so quickly. Tpi still unemployed. X bekerja.. Huhuhu.. Sedih kot. Dalam tiga tahun tu jugak la aku hilang one of my fallopian tube. From completely normal human being to ehem ehem... Lol.. Life!!! So unpredictable..

Kalau dulu before kawin byk sgt fikir anak nak berapa.. Cam ne nak jaga anak la.. Ni dah nak masuk ke thun ke 3 marriage life still xde experience handle baby.. Breastfeed baby.. LIFE.. Like I said. Xpe.. X kesah.. Malas nak amik tahu.. Bukan orang rasa pun apa yang aku rasa. People can talk but they never reduce the pain.

Keluarga in law pun, hurm wat to say.. Bercerita sebelah pihak x guna jugak. Maybe they feel something else. While I thought something else. PITYFUL..

Nak tahu satu cerita x?

My bro in law's wife masuk hospital. Ketumbuhan kot.. I x tau sgt la details why she was admitted, sakit apa, wad apa, bla bla bla... Bukan malas nak ambil tahu but my husband buat bodo jer. sikit pun xnak cerita ngan wife die ni.. They have their own whasapp group which I wasnt invited (not kinda I wasnt invited, its just I left the group becoz at the beginning I dont know wat the hell group in whasapp for... buta teknologi la katakan). Back to the story, they have their own whatsapp group where the chat a lot. My husband kept deleting everything dlm tu.. So I dont know lots of thing lah..
So I felt terpinggir la.. Like I'm not in the family. My husband dah la xnak pergi jenguk pun sister in law die kat hospital. Dah tu I ni considered as bad person la. Supposed family shud take care of each other la kan. Ni I dah jadi some sort like kera sumbang.. The last one in the family to know everything. SEDIH..

I still x faham my husband. He kind of shut every windows and door whereas I lived and still live with  my mother in law (MIL). Satu rumah kot. When they went to the hospital I didnt go with them. Macam I the baddest (max of bad) people in the entire universe. Mcm I have no humanity. This morning I called my husband asking whether he wants to go visit his sister inlaw, he said no. Let it be... Lnatak diorang la die kate... Hey!!! People r going to judge me not you. DAMN. I'm stuck!!! The first day she was admitted, my MIL looked restlessness.. Kehulu kehilir.. Nampak la ketidak tenteraman die.. I just act like nothing happened. Second day pun die go visit together with the entire family. Senyap la rumah tu because everybody left Nampak la keperihatinan dia.

I reckon last time I was admitted to HTAR, xde sape pun dtg visit except for my mum n my dad. Why huh? I told my husband to not let anybody come n  visit me. Cause I might cry as I want to look like I am strong. Xmo nanges2.. Sape xsedih bile dpt tahu pregnant but not inside the womb. Rasa nak meraung wooo..... Allah je yg tahu sedih x sedih. But x tahu la if he doesnt told them. Tpi this morning when I called him asking whether or not he go to visit, he bring back that story. He mentioned about nobody visited me last time.  Curiosity pun bertambah.... Kenapa ye? Lantak la.. X kesah la disayangi ke x disayangi ke oleh ibu mertuaku... Org duduk dekat mana la org nampak.. Biarlah. Allah maha kuasa.. Apa2 pun boleh jadi. Mgkin my death threatening moment tu not a big deal for them. Aku sentiasa mendoakan kesejahteraan mereka. Mmg nampak aku macam org luar this 3 years old marriage ni.

I just want to remember this moment, this feeling... I guess my husband is a black sheep of the family kot. Thats why, they treat me dat way. Afterall, I'm not that talkative, less intresting compared the other menantu.. Sy x pandai ambil hati org tua. I aint dat helpful... Anak pun xde kan... I just sad, lonely and desolated.. Mungkin aku sahaja yang rasa this way. Mereka mmg caring kot. Im not... Last word, aku manusia yang tidak sempurna....

Wallahualam...... Astagfirullahal azim... Allahuakbar... Hope ini bukan fitnah... I am always try to think positive... Tpi x perempuan la klu xde feeling jeles2 ni..

Sekian utk kali ini...

nak dekat exam.......... then that is the best time to continue blogging... wat a bad choice making decision.... fyp is still somewhere in the air... couldn't think straight tight now... oh god help me...

y life is so unpredictable???

sesungguh manusia itu sangat kompleks...

mampu melahirkan idea dan luahan yang pelbagai...

namun adakah semua yang diperkatakan atau diluahkan itu adalah benar semata-mata ataupun hanya cebisannya sahaja yang lurus?

maka setiap manusia itu dikurniakan akal supaya dapat berfikir dengan lebih matang.

namun tak semua yang menggunakan dengan berhemah..

hanya mengikut rasa semata-mata

pepatah jepun

orang yang banyak bercakap banyak juga menipu... so how true is that saying? judge urself.. outsider is the best observer. but sometime the observer seem to lie as truth is painful to be hear...

how to make JERMAN CHEESE CAKE

ingredients:
1. cream cheese 250g
2. icing sugar              30g
3. wheat flour     40g
4. plain yogurt    2 teaspoon
5. lemon juice    2-3 teaspoon
6. vanilla essence 1 teaspoon
7. yellow egg    2
8. *white egg      2
9. *icing sugar    30g

* to make merenge

Method
1. Mix both cream cheese and icing sugar until it turn to white color.
2. Add yellow egg, vanilla essence, lemon juice and yogurt. Mix thoroughly.
3. In separate bowl, make merenge..... Add icing sugar and white egg and mix until it become white foam like.
4. Add merenge into the first bowl together with flour. Mix them well.
5. Put the mixture into baking cake pan and bake for 2 hour at 180 degree Celsius.

exam toxico

Toxicology exam falls on12th April.... Same date with my birthday... Wat a coincidence.. huhu.. Hopefully that I can answer well in this paper... Huhu..